I Love My Relative? - Post #1 of the Eleven Toes Series

 

A 1700 depiction of Charles printed on the manuscript “Don Carlos por la gracia de Dios”

I Love My Relative?

Post #1 of the “Eleven Toes” Series

 

More than 20 years ago, Weird Al Yankovic recorded a fantastic PSA, creatively rewording Avril Lavigne’s hit, “Complicated” to address three largely ignored yet highly relevant subjects. In this song, he raises awareness for what too much pizza does to human digestive systems, as well as how dangerous roller coasters can be if you don’t follow the rules (Who wants to be killed at an amusement park?). If you’re interested in hearing this helpful message for its time, here’s the link: https://youtu.be/iOGXmmLSSdE?si=f52qq9iMIobevCM7

 

The issue this article is concerned with is contained in the 2^nd verse and chorus of Weird Al’s PSA parody. Here are the lyrics:

 

I was feelin' pretty down
‘Til my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say

In fact I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly, But woe is me

Who would have guessed, her family crest
I'd suddenly spy tattooed on her thigh
And son of a gun, It's just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No, no, no

 

Not only have these lyrics given me the name of this series (“Eleven Toes”), but it forces me (First in my mind, but now here! Have I lost my mind?) to ask a series of questions that are probably considered uncouth and gross in 21^st-century America.

 

·       How closely related were the cousins in this song?

·       Does the closeness of the relationship even matter?

·       Were these cousins doing anything ethically wrong, illegal, immoral, unhealthy, or gross?

·       Does Alabama tolerate inbreeding more than any other state or region in the US? What about other places in the world?

 

In the following blogposts, we will answer most of these questions and many others, as well as delving deep into what the Bible says, several well-known and lesser-known cases and (not so deep) into scientific studies on consanguinity (the technical term for inbreeding).

 

But let’s look at the evidence about the first question: How closely related were the cousins in this “Complicated” song?

1.     Short answer, we don’t know for sure, but there’s some evidence. Such as, the protagonist believes they are “just so alike in every way.” It’s a hint to the revelation to come, but at the same time, pointing to their compatibility. As we know, it’s quite important for husbands and wives to be suitable for one another. That’s God’s design (Genesis 2:18)!

2.     Before he pops the question, he notices the family crest on her thigh. Now they are forced to think about the consequences of marrying one another. It’s always good to know the hard truth up front before “gettin’ hitched,” whatever that truth is. Now, to the family crest.

3.     How closely related would family members have to be to share a family crest? The answer is they can be as distant as virtually being unrelated. If the crest goes back 500 years (not that far back), they could be as distant as 12^th-15^th cousins. Could be half-cousins or be removed by one or more generations, making them even less related than full cousins of the same number.

4.     However, they would most likely be related through their paternal lines. No details are given in the song, but their surnames might match. If that last name is Yankovic, I would imagine Al would have figured it out before taking a gander at that tattoo! But the protagonist might have been a Smith or a Johansson, and nowhere near as alarming.

5.     Big clue here: They didn’t know each other until they met as adults. Meaning, they’re most likely not first cousins. They could be second cousins, no generations removed; but if their families are like mine, they probably would have met at least once as children (when their grandparents who were siblings were still alive). So, most likely the closest relation would be 2^nd cousins with one or two generations removed, or 3^rd cousins. My guess is 3^rd cousins at most, which I’ll be writing about that relationship in a future post.

 

I’m shooting for posting one article every Thursday, and if that changes I'll let you know. The next subjects will be multiple posts about the Biblical references to inbreeding. We will tackle the Mosaic Law passages on Forbidden Marital Relationships. The focus will be on what is forbidden, when the prohibitions began, to whom the laws were established, and why the laws exist (Hint: the “why” question is central to the laws). We will also talk about the Beginning and life after the flood and before the Law. We’ll also run into a few other Biblical scenarios along the way. And if you like charts, get ready!

 

The Next Post (#2): Why do I care about this topic? The answer has to do with the Bible, and particularly with sermon preparation. No idea how long this series will be, but it’s gonna be a bumpy ride! Buckle up and please don’t stand. You don’t wanna lose your head! Until then…

 

            Questions to Consider:

     1.     What do you think about people who overanalyze music, particularly parodies (be honest)?

     2.     Do any of the hints about future posts concern you? Which one(s)?

     3.     Do you have any ideas you would want me to tackle for in future posts? Even if I’m not planning to tackle a certain topic, I’m willing to do so if the person making the suggestion promises to read it.

   

    Feel free to post your ideas, thoughts, and suggestions for future posts in the comments, or by emailing me at dancalkinsmusic@gmail.com. Blessings!